Christmas Angel Read online

Kyle hungrily dug into the beef and veggies. He watched her eat, and she seemed tentative about the food. Between bites he asked, “Are you not hungry?”

  “I am.” Then Anna shrugged. “I get nauseated off and on. Sometimes, food triggers it. The doctors said in time that will go away, too.”

  Which was why she was so pathetically thin, Kyle thought. He smiled into her eyes. “Can I give you my appetite? I can guarantee you, I’m going back for another bowl here in a few minutes.” He was starved for good home cooking. Anna had cut up the vegetables and added the spices, and this soup had been made with love as far as Kyle was concerned.

  She seemed to rally beneath his teasing and picked at her clothes. “I lost twelve pounds in two weeks. Can you believe that?”

  “Yeah,” he said bluntly. “You look like a toothpick, Anna. And that worries me.” He motioned to her bowl. “Come on, get some of the meat into you. I’ll even spoon-feed you if you want.”

  Her cheeks suddenly flushed pink. Anna was blushing. She used to do that all the time when they were growing up. The first time Kyle had leaned over on his horse and given Anna a peck on the cheek when they were thirteen, her cheeks turned as red as an apple.

  Giving him a wry look, Anna said, “No, I can feed myself. You’re wolfing down your food.”

  Kyle felt heat steal into his cheeks as he looked down at his nearly emptied bowl. “That’s what we do. When I first joined the Navy, I learned to eat fast.”

  There was that sadness in her eyes again. Anna had once dreamed of them being married, having a family, sharing their love here on this sprawling ranch. His heart clenched and he felt guilty. He could remember when Anna was eight and she had her dolly in her arms, telling him that someday they would be married and they’d have more dollies. God, the innocence of childhood. And he’d gone off to the Navy and left her.

  He’d tried to convince her to marry him at twenty-two and follow him out to the West Coast, out to SEAL Team 3 headquarters at Coronado Island. Anna had refused. Kyle never forgot that tearful, gutting day. He’d bought a set of wedding rings and come home on leave to propose to Anna. And she had burst into tears, sobbing, making him feel like a selfish bastard. Kyle couldn’t handle a woman’s tears very well at all. He didn’t know any man who could.

  How many times had he replayed that conversation in the living room of this ranch house? That Anna was afraid he’d be killed in combat. And where would that leave her? What if she was pregnant? Or they had children? Where would he be? Never home. Never there as a father to his children, or a husband to her. Anna was right on all accounts.

  In the end, he took the rings, pocketed them and understood why she refused to marry him. He could give her nothing except worry, loneliness and maybe a funeral because SEALs led dangerous lives. And they were rarely home to help the wife or be a parent to their children even when stateside. It all fell on the shoulders of the wife. He never blamed Anna for her decision. He blamed himself.

  Sliding the chair back, Kyle walked over to the stove and put another heaping amount of food into his bowl and then sat down. “How can I help you while I’m here?” he asked her.

  “You can help Jepson. We have wranglers, but many of them are going home for Christmas and it’s leaving us shorthanded. He needs another wrangler.”

  “Okay. What else? What about you, Anna?” He looked around the bright white kitchen with red and green curtains across the heavily frosted windows. There was a huge fireplace in the living room that moved heat everywhere within the two-story ranch house. Already the blizzard outside was coating the double-paned windows, the temperature dropping drastically.

  “I’ll be okay, Kyle. If you could just help Jepson, that would take a huge load off my shoulders.”

  “Do you need to be driven into Great Falls to see your doctors? Any other medical appointments?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “No one is going anywhere with this blizzard. I have my medications and I’ll be fine. Just lots of sleeping and rest are what they prescribed. I have an appointment in Great Falls in two weeks.”

  Nodding, Kyle watched her sipping her soup. She was trying to eat, he realized. For him. He felt euphoric. And then reality crashed down on him. Was Anna going to count the days until he left? Again? Always? That tormented him. It had to hurt her, seeing him again. Did she still want a life with him that she couldn’t have?

  Anna was a good person who always did right by others. She was a hard worker, honest as the day was long, and was always there when Kyle had needed her in the past. He would be here for her.

  “I noticed a tree holder in the corner,” he said, hitching a thumb toward the flagstone living room. “For your Christmas tree?”

  “Trevor had just put it down before the accident. He and I were planning to go up to Christmas Tree Hill the day after we got back from Great Falls, and cut two trees down. One for here and one for the wranglers’ bunkhouse.”

  Kyle nodded, holding her gaze. “Would you like to do it with me? Remember every year as kids we’d go up there with our parents? They’d let us find just the right trees for our homes.” His heart squeezed with all those fond memories, the laughter and fun they’d had choosing the Christmas trees. He saw Anna considering his idea and wasn’t sure if she was well enough to drive up there and tromp around in the snow, looking for a tree.

  “Yes, I’d love to do that, Kyle.”

  Hope and emotion were combined in her suddenly husky tone. For a split second, Kyle swore he saw moisture in Anna’s green eyes, but just as suddenly, it was gone. Had he imagined it? The look of longing in her expression was there to read. The joy in her eyes was there, too. Kyle felt his heart expand. God, he wanted nothing more than to lift her depressed spirits. He’d give his right arm to see her smile instead of that sad curve to her lips that always haunted her mouth instead.

  She had a lot to be grieving about. The loss of Trevor was a huge blow to a ranch of this size. Anna had the innate ability to make everyone feel nurtured by her maternal warmth, to be inclusive of everyone, as if those who worked at the ranch were like family to her, too. And that was just the way Anna was built.

  Right now, Kyle was feeling that warmth exuding from her toward him. That invisible sensation of being special, of being loved and cosseted by her.

  “This blizzard isn’t a good time to do much of anything,” he said, eating the hearty soup with enthusiasm. Kyle saw she’d finished just about everything in her bowl, a good sign. He was grateful Anna had an appetite. Kyle knew from too many experiences that on patrol, if a team member got wounded or killed, no one had an appetite. They forced themselves to eat because there was no choice. The only way to get back to the FOB was to continually eat food and keep hydrated.

  “Maybe in three or four days?” Anna asked.

  “Yeah,” he murmured, cleaning up the last of the food in his bowl.

  “Let’s see what Jepson says about the road up to the hill,” she counseled, pushing the emptied bowl away.

  “Sounds like a plan.” Giving her a fond look, he said, “You ate everything.”

  Touching her stomach, Anna made a slight shrug. “It must be you, Kyle. I haven’t eaten this much since returning home from the hospital.”

  Preening inwardly, Kyle wanted to believe her. He knew he had influence over Anna. Despite her hesitancy, her reluctance to share any feelings with him, he sensed it. If the SEALs didn’t give him anything else, they had given him a powerful, unquestioned intuition. And if Kyle was accurately reading Anna, she was more than glad to see him.

  It almost felt like old times when they were young, naive and innocent to the ways of the world. And Kyle was aware that his decisions had made Anna sadder than anyone else’s actions had in her life.

  “Where would you like me to bunk?” he asked her, holding her gaze. Once again, her cheeks flamed pink. Why? Kyle knew
there was a bunkhouse for wranglers near the main ranch house. He found himself resisting going there because he wanted to remain close to Anna in case she needed help. If nothing else, he could at least support and assist her if necessary. It ate at his sensitized conscience that he would be here for only a month.

  “You can have the guest bedroom down the hall.” She gestured gracefully toward that direction. “If that’s okay with you?”

  Okay? Hell, it was perfect. And already, Kyle was plotting and planning when he could kiss Anna, feel her lush lips blossom beneath his onslaught, feel her heat combine with his. Because when they kissed, the real world went away and only the two of them existed in that exquisite, heated moment. And damn, he wanted to take her to bed, love her gently, love her until he would hear those beautiful sounds caught in her throat, feel her convulse around him.

  Was it all a dream? Kyle was a realist. He knew from past experience Anna would refuse to go to bed with him ever again. Because if she did, Kyle knew she would agree to whatever he wanted from her. And the Montana woman, the pragmatist, knew better. She would not sell her heart for one night in his arms. Or even thirty nights. It had to be forever or not at all.

  CHAPTER TWO

  FOUR DAYS… ANNA closed her eyes, standing near her bedroom door, hand upon the brass knob. She had changed into an old pair of jeans that had seen better days, two layers of sweaters beneath her dark blue nylon parka and good boots to traverse the knee-deep snow. As she opened her eyes, the slats of sun filtered through the burgundy drapes in her bedroom. Kyle waited for her out in the living room. They were going to go find the perfect Christmas tree for the ranch house and the wranglers’ bunkhouse. Her house was now painfully empty, no longer filled with the booming laughter of her father or the teasing from her mother. It seemed longer than a year that they’d been gone. And on days like this, particularly around the holidays, it felt as if someone was carving up her heart with a dull knife.

  She felt weak and needy. Four days with Kyle under her roof triggered the powerful emotions of loving him once more. He was charismatic. His eyes were a deep gray with a black ring around the iris, making him look like the focused hunter he really was. He hunted men, just as raptors hunted their kind of food.

  And his smile was devastating to her, dismantling all logic as to why she shouldn’t get involved with him. Did he know how his smile undid her? Did Kyle read the desire in her expression?

  At twenty-two, seven long years ago, he had come home and they’d made love, giving their hearts to one another. Even after their breakup, she wore her heart on her sleeve. She couldn’t hide how she felt about Kyle. She never could. And right now, her heart pined so powerfully for any little touch, any smile or gaze from Kyle.

  There was no mistaking what lay in his gray gaze, that intense craving for her alone. Kyle seemed cautious about touching her during the past four days. He’d been circumspect, as if respecting her space, her needs. But at night in bed? She hurt so much, the ache in her body for this man with the careless smile and dancing gray eyes haunted her. Kyle exuded life times ten. To Anna, he was like the force of sunlight come to earth in the shape of a human. Just being around him had increased her appetite, chased away so much of her dizziness and infused her with his energy, his love. Within days she felt ten times stronger than before.

  Kyle cajoled her into eating a little more each day. He made them breakfast, and his buttermilk pancakes were mouth-waveringly good. She was surprised he knew how to cook, but in the end, she left no crumbs on her plate, either. Anna would swear she’d gained five pounds. It was Kyle’s love for her, she realized, that was feeding her soul, infusing her heart and body. He had always had that kind of magical effect upon her in every way.

  Her fingers tightened around the doorknob. What was she going to do? She felt the intense longing to be in his arms, resting against his stalwart body, knowing he would hold her safe. Kyle would love her if she allowed him. Every cell in her body trembled with need. The last time he had loved her, kissed her, was seven years ago. And she could still remember the strength of his mouth upon hers.

  What did that make her? A fool forever? Hadn’t she tried to erase Kyle from her heart? They were children who grew up together. Running through fields of purple clover, rolling in lush, green grass and lying together, hands behind their heads, watching the white clouds change shape above them.

  A small sound, part desperation, part desire, slipped from between her lips. Anna wanted to blame her neediness for Kyle on her concussion, but she knew that wasn’t true. Her heart wanted this man who was so tall, so confident and such a warrior among men. And she knew she was chasing a dream that would never come true. Kyle had said it himself: his family was the SEALs. Not her. She was second in his life. She had been first before he’d turned eighteen. The sweet, stolen kisses they’d shared still danced in her heart’s memory. They had been so young, innocent and so much in love with one another.

  Opening her eyes, Anna stared down at her hand, felt the dampness and coolness of her fingers around the brass knob. Kyle had loved the SEALs more. And that was what she had to remember. No matter what happened today, out at Christmas Tree Hill, Anna had to keep that knowledge that she was second in his life. Her heart didn’t want to remember it, but her head did.

  Slowly, she twisted the knob and the door quietly opened before her. Anna heard the soft snap and crackle of wood in the massive fireplace down the hall. Those natural sounds always soothed her. This afternoon, she knew Kyle was there, warming himself by the fire, waiting for her.

  Her heart cried out in anguish to go to him, wrap her arms around his narrow waist, rest her head against his well-sprung chest, feel his arms slide around her, enclose her, hold her close. In four days, the desperation had built within her so much that Anna felt like a crazed animal, wanting to throw caution to the wind. Take Kyle to her bed, love him with all the passion she possessed and allow him to return it to her. She saw the look in his eyes. Saw the hunger for her in them. Anna knew he didn’t possess the ability to hide how he felt toward her. With her, Kyle wore his heart on his sleeve, too.

  Numbly, she walked down the flagstone hall, the hollow sound of the tread of her boots against the caramel, white and sienna–colored sedimentary rock. As she emerged, Kyle lifted his chin, his gaze narrowing on her. Heat began to build in her breasts, tightening them, and then that arc of blazing heat dived below, nestling and restless deep within her. All Kyle had to do was look at her. Just a look.

  “Ready?” he asked, studying her closely as she drew up to him.

  “Yes,” she said, a little breathless.

  “Blue sky and sunshine out there,” he said, slipping his hand beneath her elbow. “A beautiful day. Jepson said it was going to get above freezing.”

  Anna barely heard his low, dark voice that always made her shiver with anticipation. She felt the monitored strength of his long, strong fingers cupping her elbow as he opened the door and guided her into the crisp afternoon air.

  Kyle led her outside the gated fence to a black Chevy truck. He opened the passenger door for Anna and she stepped inside the cab. The sky was blindingly blue, and she put on her red baseball cap and dark glasses. Watching Kyle walk around the truck, the way his shoulders were proudly squared, she admired the strength in his face, in the set of his jaw. It was when her gaze dropped to his well-shaped mouth that she groaned internally. How badly she wanted his mouth upon hers.

  “Jepson said he had a wrangler take a grader up into the road area earlier this morning where we’ll find a tree,” Kyle said, putting the truck in gear. He drove out of the plowed area, remembering the way to that hill.

  “We’ll need two trees today, Kyle.”

  “Two it is.” He smiled as he drove slowly down the road covered with hard-packed snow. “How are you feeling today?”

  “Okay,” she lied, clasping her glo
ved hands in her lap.

  “Dizziness?”

  “None so far today.”

  “Good.”

  There was relief in his low voice, and genuine caring. In all the years, Kyle had never lied to her. He’d always been honest and straightforward with her. Anna felt as if she were sitting next to sunlight. Kyle unaccountably lifted her spirit. Fed her hope. Made her feel as if everything in the world would turn out all right. He’d always made her feel that way.

  “My mother emailed me and said you’d gotten a divorce,” Kyle said, giving her a glance.

  “Yes. From Tom Carter.” Giving him a quick look, she saw his set profile, his brows down. “Why?”

  “I didn’t know him.”

  “He was a drifter.”

  “Who came to work here?”

  “Yes.” Anna knotted her hands, staring at them.

  “He must have been special for you to fall in love with him.”

  Wincing internally, Anna said, “I thought I loved him.”

  The cab went silent, just the slow grind of the engine as Kyle guided the truck up and around a long curve. Up ahead was a large hill wreathed with evergreens.

  “What do you mean you thought you loved him?” Kyle moved his gloved hand a little on the steering wheel, keeping his eyes on the slippery road.

  “I was…young.” Her throat tightened and she didn’t dare look at Kyle or she’d burst out in tears.

  “I didn’t know about it.” Kyle took a deep breath. “Only the divorce. I’m sorry, Anna. You deserve only happiness.”

  Pain scored her heart. “A-after you left at twenty-two, I was lost, Kyle. I’m not blaming you. I know you asked me to marry you, but I just couldn’t…I couldn’t…”

  He reached out and squeezed her arm for a moment. “It’s all right. I understood why you didn’t, Anna.”

  Pain increased in her heart, and she wished his fingers would remain around her lower arm. “I wanted a family….”