Too Near the Fire Read online

  Her eyes widened with disbelief. Leah couldn’t tear her gaze from his. He cared. He truly cared what happened to her. To her surprise, tears filled her eyes. She quickly looked away, hoping the darkness would hide them. “I’ll try,” she mumbled.

  “Why don’t you rest,” he suggested.

  “No, thanks,” she murmured.

  “You don’t have to play tough when we’re by ourselves,” he said, glancing over at her.

  Leah gave him a startled look. “What?”

  “Give in and rest. I’m not going to call you weak just because others might. You put in a good performance on short notice. You deserve the downtime.”

  The huskiness in his voice sent another tingle of pleasure through her tired, aching body. “You should have let me help clean up,” she muttered.

  “Why? You did your share of assigned duties. You don’t have to be a superwoman.”

  She grinned tiredly. “No, but it sure helps if you’re a woman in the fire service.”

  “Don’t push yourself so hard,” he coaxed huskily. “You did a good job. Matter of fact, the state trooper at the site was Sergeant Mike Ryan, and he’s back there shaking his head in disbelief.”

  “Oh?”

  “Didn’t realize you were a woman until you started soothing that kid by talking to him. He said you did one hell of a job. And believe me, Ryan’s a hard case to work with at an accident scene.”

  Her heart swelled with joy but she tried to control her reactions. “It takes more than one extrication to make you good,” she returned soberly. “When I have a few more under my belt, I’ll feel a lot more confident than I did out there tonight.”

  “If you weren’t confident, it didn’t show.” He scratched his head. “I underestimated you.”

  “In what way?”

  “You’re a lot harder to read than I first thought. Make me a promise, Leah?”

  She stared at him. “What kind?” she asked tentatively.

  “You’re defensive, but I guess I don’t blame you. I’m not asking, but ordering you, to report to me if there’s ever a time in the future when you get injured. Don’t try and fake it, okay? It’s necessary to work as a team, and it’s important to communicate your full condition. Don’t downplay it because of your bullheadedness.”

  “I’m not stubborn,” she flared. “I learned the hard way down at the academy that if you showed any emotion you were considered weak. And if a fireman thinks you’re weak, he won’t work with you or—worse—he’ll try to take over.” She sat back, staring moodily into the darkness. “You don’t learn much if someone is always taking over, Lieutenant.”

  “Call me Gil. And somehow, I doubt that you let too many male rookies take over for you down there,” he drawled. “Now, you want to make me that promise?”

  She remained quiet for a long time, mulling it over in her aching head. If she could trust what she saw, Gil Gerard was one hundred and ten percent behind her. He actually seemed excited about her performance and that gave her a needed boost of confidence. She found herself liking him more than she should. But then, he was such a damn likable man. Could he be trusted? She recalled a rookie student at the academy who had gotten her trust and then ended up embarrassing her badly in front of the whole class. She couldn’t afford to have that happen here. No, she would be living in this town and working here. She couldn’t make those kinds of mistakes any longer.

  “I’ll try,” was all she could promise.

  Gil’s brows moved downward in displeasure. “You’d better try real hard then,” he growled.

  * * *

  Back at the station they cleaned their turn-out gear and hung it back up. Then the engine and the squad truck were washed and lovingly dried by hand. Leah ignored the curious looks of her teammates, embarrassed enough by her chance injury without elaborating on it. The other three fire fighters talked about the wreck among themselves, excluding her from the conversation. She choked down the hurt, biting on her lower lip, and finished wiping the windshield on the squad truck. Gil had disappeared and she was sure he was filling out the fire reports which the police and the insurance companies would be demanding by the next morning.

  As Leah saw the camaraderie that the firemen shared, an ache began in her heart. Couldn’t they at least be civil and say a few words to her? Instead, they completely ignored her, making her feel even more miserable than she already felt. Her head was aching fiercely and she went upstairs to the bunk room, rearranging her boots and bunker pants by her bed. She rummaged around in the small bathroom for some aspirin, but found none. She went back downstairs in search of Gil. At the office door she knocked timidly.

  “Come on in,” he invited.

  Leah poked her head around the corner. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’d like to take some aspirin. Where are they kept?”

  Gil glanced up, his eyes darkening as he studied her. “The chief keeps them in his office. I’ll get you some. Hang on.” He returned with two white tablets and placed them in her opened hand. “You look pale,” he observed, going back to the desk and sitting down.

  She masked the turmoil of her feelings. “I’ll live.”

  “If you’re done with the bay work, go take a shower. Maybe you’ll feel better then,” he suggested easily.

  “Yeah, maybe,” she agreed.

  By the time she took a hot shower and washed her hair, it was close to six a.m. The other firemen waited until she was done before trudging upstairs. As Leah made her bunk she could hear them laughing and trading stories while they showered. Hurriedly, she went back downstairs to the kitchen, leaving the bunk room empty so that they could come out wearing their towels or whatever. At eight o’clock they went off duty and she longed to go home and simply fall onto that double bed in her apartment and sleep the sleep of the dead.

  Looking for something to keep her occupied, she made fresh coffee and then turned on the television set and sat down. Apache was the first to wander in, his hair dark and gleaming from the recent shower. He sniffed.

  “Hey…that fresh coffee brewing?”

  Leah lifted her head. “Yes.”

  He gave her a measuring look. “Made it all on your own?”

  “With my own two hands,” she promised.

  “Man, there’s nothing like a cup of fresh hot coffee and a cigarette after a run. Thanks, Stevenson….”

  She frowned. Well, she’d just have to get used to them using her last name. At least Apache was being sociable, and she took it as a major step forward in her relationship with the Italian fire fighter.

  Sam and Duke eventually sauntered in, murmuring their surprise over the newly made coffee. Sam gave her a nod of thanks but Duke said nothing, making a point of sitting as far away from her as he could. There was an unnatural silence in the room and Leah wanted to squirm. If she weren’t there, they’d be bantering back and forth, joking and laughing. She couldn’t stand the tense atmosphere one moment longer, so she stood, then walked back out into the bay, taking a long breath of air. Leaning against the squad, she watched as the sun rose above the hills east of the city, her coffee cup balanced on the fender of the truck.

  She heard the men laughing loudly at someone’s joke. Rubbing her forehead gently, she tried to will the headache away.

  “Think you’re up to going to Cleveland today?”

  Leah gasped, spinning around. Coffee sloshed over the rim of the cup, scalding her hand.

  “Sorry,” Gil proffered.

  “That’s all right. I’m just a little jumpy.”

  He rested against the fender, watching her through half-closed eyes. “It’s going to take a while before they get used to having you around,” he said, turning and listening to the fire fighters’ noisy laughter. “They’re just as nervous as you. Only they show it in a different way.”

  She managed a weak smile. “I came out here to the bay to give them breathing room so they could tell jokes or swear.”

  “Well, in case you haven’t noticed yet, the sw
earing gets thick and heavy when we’ve got a bad call. Just shut your ears and pretend you don’t hear it,” he advised good-naturedly.

  “A little swearing is good for the soul.”

  He cocked his head. “You mean you mouth a few good ones in a crisis?” he teased.

  “You bet. I’ll probably let go one of these days soon and their ears will burn,” she answered. Leah felt inexplicably comfortable with Gil. She knew she shouldn’t. He was the officer in charge and she was only a fire fighter.

  “I think they can handle it. Are you feeling up to getting some equipment that fits you this morning, or do you want to do it tomorrow?”

  “We’ve got the next forty-eight hours off. How about Thursday? It will give me a chance to try and complete my move into the apartment.”

  He rubbed his strong jaw. “Just give me your address and a time and I’ll pick you up.”

  Leah walked with him over to the office and sat down. She wrote out her address and new phone number while he lounged on the corner of the desk. “How about eleven?”

  “Sounds good.” He looked at the paper. “You’re living right on the city limits I see. There’s a good volunteer station in the neighboring township that’s looking for more people. Interested?”

  She groaned. “Listen, I’ve got my hands full just fitting in here, Lieutenant. I don’t need to take on a volunteer department full of men at the same time.”

  “I don’t blame you. Too bad.”

  “Why?”

  “Oh, I’m on duty over there on my off days.”

  “You’re a volunteer in your spare time?” she asked, stunned.

  “Sure.”

  “Oh.” Leah had thought a wife might be responsible for occupying his time off. “You’re sure a glutton for punishment. Doesn’t our chief object to your doing it?”

  “No. Remember, I was a volunteer long before I got here.”

  She looked up into his amused face. There was a blend of humor and gentleness evident in his eyes and she felt completely relaxed around him. “You must love fighting fires.”

  “Mmm, I do enjoy it, but the real fact is they need people during the day. Most volunteer departments are terribly understaffed for day fires. Well, when things settle down around here, maybe you’ll give it a second thought.”

  “Will they be just as against women fire fighters as they are here?” she asked, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

  “I doubt it. You’re coming from a paid department and they know you’ve got the training hours. And if there is some resentment, they’ll never confront you with it.”

  “No, just talk a lot behind my back.”

  “Did they do that down at the academy?”

  She nodded her head dolefully. “The rookies did. Why can’t they accept or reject me on my ability and not my sex?”

  “Because you’re an oddity,” Gil murmured. He gave her an encouraging smile. “Let’s face it, only about one percent of the one million three hundred thousand firemen in the U.S. are women. You’re bucking some strong statistics.”

  “I’m bucking straight chauvinism out of the eighteen hundreds,” she shot back more strongly than she intended.

  “Only time will make the difference,” he said philosophically. “If I’m not being too nosy, why did you become a fire fighter?”

  “Because I wanted to make a contribution to my community. I know it sounds corny, but it’s the truth.”

  “It doesn’t sound corny.”

  “I guess it all started when I was an air controller.” She gave him a searching look. “Do you know what I mean? Like that guy we extricated from the wreck. We saved his life. How many occupations give you that kind of responsibility? How many times can we be in a position to be at the right place and time and be useful in a life-or-death situation?” Her voice took on a fervency she normally squelched. “I don’t know, I’m beginning to think there’s something drastically wrong with my emotional makeup,” she muttered.

  Gil shook his head. “From my view, there’s nothing wrong with you emotionally. I prefer a woman who is independent and can stand on her own two feet.”

  “Well, you’re in a class by yourself, then. Most men would like to see my kind banished to some desert island. And yet, they think nothing of a man performing the same services.” She gave an explosive laugh. “Figure it out. God made men and women equal when it came to feelings and emotions. If a man can do it, why can’t a woman?”

  “You won’t get an argument out of me,” he said, grinning. “You know, not only do you have honesty, you’ve got intelligence. I knew that sparkle in your eyes meant something.”

  Leah blushed becomingly beneath his praise. “I try and hide that side of myself.”

  “Why?”

  “Because if I were my real self around here, I’d never be accepted.”

  “And who is the real Leah?” he asked.

  She hesitated, suddenly losing some of her natural ebullience. “With your insight, you’ll probably find out soon enough,” she replied.

  “I’ll be looking forward to taking you up to Cleveland on Thursday, then,” he said, rousing himself. “In the meantime, take care of yourself.” He halted as he approached her and lightly brushed her cheek. “You’ve got a beauty of a black eye, lady.”

  A small shiver of delight made her skin tingle where he had briefly touched her. There was a gentleness about Gil Gerard that drew her like a moth to an open flame. But he could be just as dangerous to her as that flame, she reminded herself. It had only been a year since she’d left her marriage behind, and the painful memories still made her hesitant about trusting any man.

  Jack Danielson had been a fighter pilot in the air force and she had fallen for his exotic and exciting image. Later, after a year of marriage, Leah had found that the man beneath the image was not what she’d expected. Now, she wanted only to forget those six years of misery. Jack’s need to chase other women had left her disillusioned with marriage. Sometimes she still questioned her own sexuality and wondered if she had been partially responsible for his unfaithfulness.

  Leah closed her eyes tightly against the pain of her memories. She had stopped at the bay doors, and when she opened her eyes again, she stared sightlessly at the awakening city.

  Rubbing her throbbing forehead, she thought about the last year of her marriage. Jack had been frank in his dissatisfaction with their sex life. What had happened to the passionate expressiveness she had exhibited during the first four years of their marriage? What had turned her off? A part of it was discovering Jack’s tryst with the wife of another officer on base and his laughing admission that there had been others. Every time he held her in his arms, she froze. He had then accused her of using sex to punish him and she had sobbed until there were no more tears left. Had she? And was Jack right when he accused her of being maladjusted because she wanted to hold down a man’s job?

  She had always known she was different and had reluctantly accepted that fact about herself. But after years of snide remarks and barbed comments from both men and women, she was getting tired of her uniqueness. She was beginning to long to fit in. Yet after getting an honorable discharge from the air force and her divorce papers from Jack, she had again chosen an occupation that was different. God, am I a glutton for punishment? she wondered in anguish. Was Jack right? Is there something psychologically wrong with me?

  Leah’s feeling of depression continued after the chief brusquely dismissed them. The bay, engines, and bunk room had passed inspection, and now the fire fighters were allowed to go home and rest for two days before taking on another twenty-fours of grueling duty. She drove home slowly, still immersed in her thoughts. Isn’t there someone in this world who will accept me as I am? she wondered miserably. Why couldn’t I have been like everyone else? Be a sheep and be accepted. She smiled grimly. “Be unique and be an outcast,” she muttered aloud.

  * * *

  She didn’t know how long she had slept, but a persistent k
nock at the apartment door dragged her to a state of semiwakefulness. Her head ached abominably as she sat up, groping to throw the covers off her. What time was it? It was dark as she stumbled through the bedroom. After managing to pull her maroon robe over her shoulders, Leah fumbled with the sash at the waist.

  “Just a minute….” she called. God, her nose hurt and the pain in her brow was increasing. Holding one hand against her forehead, Leah leaned down and turned on a small table lamp in the living room. Finally she got to the door and opened it. Gil Gerard stood there in a navy blue polo shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans. Her eyes widened and her heart began to beat erratically as she stared up at him.

  Seconds fled by, but it seemed like minutes. Her first thought was that she must look disheveled, with her dark walnut-colored hair cascading over her shoulders. The pain in her brow intensified, bringing tears to her eyes.

  “I just stopped by to see how you were,” Gil said by way of explanation. “I called three different times and you didn’t answer the phone. I got worried.”

  Touching her temple in a nervous gesture, she turned and motioned him to come in. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice husky with sleep. “I’ve got to sit down….”

  Leah was aware of the door closing as she sat, her head in the hollow of her hands. Her heart beat heavily in her breast. The concern in Gil’s voice was genuine and she didn’t know how to respond to it. How long had it been since a man cared about her on a personal level? Too long, a voice cried deep within her. She felt his hand on her shoulder as he knelt at her side.

  “You look like you’re in a lot of pain,” he said, studying her with renewed intensity.

  His fingers were warm as they rested upon the thin material covering her shoulder. Instinctively, Leah responded to his gentleness. “I’ve got an awful headache.”